Now a days everyone’s texting, heck, some might even argue that there’s more texting going on than actual face to face conversations.
Meeting new people, especially a women, can be difficult in itself, from the approach all the way to getting her number. But following up over text messages to try and reel your prospective new girlfriend in and take things to the next level is really an “art” form of its own.
In combination of the advice below, remember to be yourself, don’t obsess over one girl, and most of all take it slow. Besides, if you have a girl blowing up your phone with 3-5 messages at a time, dying to hangout, how would you feel?
Best ways to start a text conversation with a Girl
Women are very sophisticated, and often much more witty than they might lead you to believe. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that go the farthest and the biggest things that lead to failure.
Try to start a conversation with your new friend or girl of interest with an opening that can’t just be answered with a simple Yes or No. Try to make her think, and show her some of your own personal wit. Don’t be afraid to show your goofy side too—if it’s natural! Women love humor, who doesn’t?
Try to make it a point to use her name when you’re texting her, as it adds a personal touch to it and shows you genuinely care—and that you remembered her name from the possibly drunken night before!
Don’t be predictable, and try to mix things up with your first few messages to a girl through texting. Using emoticons is OK and cute sometimes, but too much can just be straight out annoying, abusive, and a huge turn off—and it goes both ways!
You can try teasing her a little to get her attention, but be careful, and make sure she knows it’s just a joke, or that you’re being flirtatious. Texting can be complicated, and it’s easy to misinterpret someone’s messages—so don’t take things to heart.
Add a little spice’ to your first few messages to your girl by showing her you have confidence, pride, and that you’re a busy guy too! A man that’s always available is seemingly less desirable for women, so stop replying to her texts within 1 minute or less each time she messages you!
Just because you both happen to have an iPhone and can see when you have Read each other’s messages doesn’t mean you’re obligated to immediately respond! (Besides, that’s just ‘stalkerish’)
Lastly, don’t be afraid to shoot the girl the first text! Try to be natural, don’t be needy, SERIOUSLY, and keep an open mind. If she doesn’t reply to you with what you were expecting don’t give up, just try something different—but not right away!
Feel the Girl out
No gentlemen, that doesn’t mean with your hands.
It’s important that after you first meet a girl you learn some interesting and important things about her. Things like her personality, likes or dislikes, family, hobbies, or plans for the week for example can all prove very useful in feeling out a girl via text, getting, and maintaining her attention.
Try to start off slow and simple, but don’t use generic texts like “How’re you?” or “What’re you up to?” Don’t be offended if she doesn’t text right back, for all you know she could be busy working, or with her family—or a million other things.
Women like to feel special, heard, and want a man, even just as a friend, that’s really going to stand out from the rest—because chances are the girl you just met at the bar collected 10 or more other phone numbers that night, not just yours—sorry! But all hope is not lost.
In making yourself unique through texting, try to imagine what would be appealing to you—in other words, put yourself in her position. Would you reply to your message or messages that you just sent?
Feel free to shoot your new friend or girlfriend a cute photo of something cool and random (no, not your abs, unless you’re just interesting in ‘sexting’) that you thought was interesting with a little catch phrase—bonus points if it directly relates to her and her personality or something that you both have in common.
Find and Maintain a Balance
Maintaining balance through texting, especially with a girl, is very important. From the size of your messages between each other, to the consistency of sending them, all the way to how many you’re sending each at a time.
One person should never overwhelm the other with unwanted texts or a litany of messages—especially if you wound up talking about something that she found super boring! If this is the case, you might have lost her interest indefinitely!
Try to keep your messages to your girl short and sweet, but still add a personal, natural touch to them. Be creative, think outside the box, and try to play off of things that directly relate to her, even the small things, like cute little habits that maybe you noticed she had (careful, women can be very self-conscious!), or that she recently changed the color of her hair.
If for some reason you’re already well advanced into your conversation or relationship with this girl and she’s hitting you with flirtatious messages like “just got out of the shower” or “I’d really like to go out” think long and hard (no, not like that) before you respond.
Try to hit her back with something catchy and of the same nature but still be playful, such as “sounds like a dream come true ;)” or “I heard there’s a really nice spot on Wednesdays at ________”.
Ultimately, you have to be the judge and make sure you’re not being overly sexual, eager, inappropriate, or worse going to say something that will offend her. Every girl has her own personality, so if she’s cool, open, flirts a lot, and doesn’t mind some banter then feel free to try some of these lines out!
If you’re writing super long messages it will make you look too eager, and perhaps even desperate—yes, we know, this isn’t the case! But it doesn’t matter. It’s just how a lot of women think, and it’s been proven time and time again.
Don’t be lazy
Sometimes when we as men are given advice to ‘give her space’ or ‘let it roll off’ we tend to flat out quit, or just not reply for days or even weeks at a times. This is obviously not a good idea if you’re genuinely interested in spending more time with this girl and possibly building a relationship.
While too much texting and flirting with a girl through text can be disastrous, not communicating or trying at all can also be a perfect way to get ‘friend-zoned’.
If your girl asks you a question or specifically is trying to make plans for you, don’t make the mistake of not replying until 12 hours later—unless you’re truly busy with some much more important responsibilities, or another woman!
But seriously, be accountable, and show a genuine interest. Speaking of accountability, if you truly want a chance to ‘get-in’ with building a relationship with this girl, make sure you’re not typing like a 5th grader to her. It’s not only sloppy, but it’s also a turn off. Worst of all, it gives the impression you don’t really care, you rushed, or that perhaps you’re just illiterate and she in turn is no longer interested.
Simply capitalizing letters and using periods can go all the distance—it doesn’t mean you have to articulate your messages to a girl as if you’re creating a dissertation paper, just use your common sense and be cordial! Just as you would be on your best behavior and speak to impress the girl you’re interested in if you met up, apply the same personality and conduct via text. Nobody likes a phony.
Know when to stop or even quit
If for whatever possible millions of reasons it’s just not working out, and you or your girl aren’t attracted to each other, don’t be afraid to just give it a rest—just like a real relationship!
In comparison, like texting, would you seriously have the energy and be willing to talk to your girl or girlfriend this many times, this much throughout the entire day?
Too much talking can lead to unwanted conversations, or just a flat out dead-end. This is the last thing you want! Try to give her some space, and surprise her later on with a witty or funny text!
Don’t be afraid—barring you haven’t been texting literally all day long non-stop—to shoot her a nice little goodnight text. This does NOT mean to start sending her Good Morning and Good Night texts all the time—again, overbearing and borderline creepy (in a woman’s eyes). We know guys, we’re doing our best, but just try to pay attention!
Should all be going well, try to make it a point to end (literally the last message of the day) with a message that intrigues her, keeps her guessing, interested, and even something that involves a plan for the near future—no, it doesn’t have to be for the immediately following day.
Remember, women like space, and a man that’s in demand—not one that comes off as desperate or overbearing.
How to follow up
Sometimes we forget that texting isn’t actually a practical way to build a relationship, or even flirt beyond a certain point. So because of that, it’s important you make efforts with your girl to try and connect with her both mentally, but also physically—such as taking her out to dinner, or the club for example.
If an event or something is coming up that she might have interest in, just nonchalantly mention it to her and see if it interests her. Another example, you could try to peak her interest, if she’s up for going out, or even ask her if she has a favorite Wine?
Not only are you showing interest, but you’re also putting yourself in a position for actually physically hanging out with this girl, not doing a documentary on her—but seriously, stray away from interview-like questions.
Very important Don’ts
We’ve covered plenty of Do’s throughout so far, but we haven’t quite hit enough dont’s to help keep you out of trouble and increase your success rates when texting a girl, or girls, of your interest.
Be very careful with friendly-teasing, as it can easily be misinterpreted as an insult. Remember, women are (at times extremely) sensitive by nature.
Try not to use too much sarcasm until you’ve already known or are getting to know the girl, or it could be mistaken for you being obnoxious, unfunny, or just a flat out prick.
Now that we’ve gotten out of the way some serious dont’s, if you seriously believe you’re at the level where you can flirt sexually—to some extent, here are some suggestions.
Be open minded, and if she tells you something about her body or something that turns her on, don’t be afraid to if not mirror it, at least acknowledge it and point out something sexy in return or a way that you can relate to that sort of desire. If not anything else, share something of “equal” sexual-value with her, so she knows you’re on board.
You can try to make some sexual-innuendos or questions, and if she responds in a neutral way, then you can laugh it off as a joke—but you’ve still just accomplished getting her in the right mind set!
Women like mystery, but they also like to know what to expect. Crazy! We know.
With that being said, try to hint towards things that turn you on—all the better if it’s specific things about her! You don’t have to be a complete pervert or sex-animal to accomplish this. Something like “I really love the way that Red dress fits you” would suffice just fine, and this way, you can gauge her reaction in whether or not you want to take it to the next level.
If you’re going to get into talking about things you want to do with or to her, even if it’s as simple as a kiss, again—as we mentioned earlier—don’t be lazy! Tell her why you want to kiss her, what about her makes her a kissable girl, and feel free to add in some comments about rain, the beach, sweat, hot, heat, squeezing, or pulling.
Although some of these terms are more erotic or weirdly random than the other, they’re definitely good starting points for turning the conversation into a more heated one.
Most importantly, remember, you can’t have sex over the phone! Well, you can, but it won’t be nearly as enjoyable as the real thing. So, it’s up to you to decide and make the plans as to when you want to hang out and ‘mingle’, or at least take it to the next level.
Something as simple as an invitation to hang out at the lakes or beach, or even the movies could be the perfect starting point to getting more physical!
Be Personable and Desirable
Interestingly enough, guys have reported success with sort of ‘mimicking’ girl’s behaviors through texting. We don’t mean this emotionally of course, but rather how they type.
If they type one message at a time for example, stop sending her 3 messages at a time. More complexly, if she literally NEVER uses emotes, then maybe you should consider not using them either—perhaps she doesn’t like them, finds them annoying, or maybe can’t even see them on the kind of phone she’s using.
It can literally be as simple as using “ha-ha” instead of “LOL” if it’s how she expresses it. If you guys express the same feelings in different ways it’s likely to subconsciously separate you, but if you express each other in similar ways it’s likely to subconsciously build a connection between you—sort of leveling out the communication, considering you’re not face to face—yet!
Women like mysterious men, and want to wonder. If you tell them literally your life story in the first couple of weeks, what more do they have to discover about you?
Even worse, now she knows everything about you yet you know very little about her—how embarrassing and unbalanced!
Women, although they do crave (beta-males) sensitive guys, dependent upon their personality, they also like a little mystique in their men too. Try to make her guess and wonder. It doesn’t mean send her half-written sentences but rather just to keep her guessing.
Make her wonder what you do for work, why you love that restaurant, and don’t be shy to brag about dedication to health and fitness—obviously! But again, don’t overdo it, don’t overdo anything. It can easily become detrimental and lead to failure when flirting with a girl through text.