Tell me if this sounds familiar, you meet a girl, you get her number, give her a call to ask her out and after a few minutes of BS, she says “Yes” and you think to yourself, i’m the man.
Well the day comes around and your excited to go out with this girl, after an hour or so of interesting conversation and getting to know her, something strange happens, the conversation starts to slow down, it becomes boring & stagnant.
You know the feeling folks, it gets almost to the point where you sit there smiling & desperately trying to think of something to talk about, and that’s where the panic sets in. You start to worry that she feels the same way and then all of a sudden it happens…
She blurts out something along the lines of “I need to wake up early tommorrow, so I should probably get going…”
After a friendly hug, she leaves and you know you screwed things up… The funny thing though is that this usually happens most with the girls you really liked & connected with, so the question you ask yourself is why did this happen?
It’s pretty simple really, because you like this girl, you end up trying too hard to keep the conversation going, I liken it to when I play basketball, when i’m feeling in rythym & loose, I can knock down any shot on the court during a game, but when i’m feeling pressure to score and ultimately win, I couldn’t hit a shot even if i’m standing next to the basket.
That’s usually what happens, we try to do our best not to screw things up but what we wind up doing is exactly that, imagine the way you talk to your closest friends, do you ever really care about what you say?
Of course not, you say what ever the hell is on your mind, and don’t you usually have good conversations with your friends? So what makes those so interesting, it’s because of what I like to call, the three S’s:
Sarcasm, Stories and Sillyness…
The way you act & talk around your friends usually involves a lot of sarcastic humor, alot of old or new stories about topics you both share interests in, and lastly, how silly & stupid you guys usually are around each other, you know what i’m talking about, there are things you talk about around your friends that you’re way too scared to do around girls you like, but here’s my question, what the hell do you put this girl up on a pedestal? What makes her so special?
To be blunt, she’s not special, she’s just like every other person out there, the only exception being, you’re attracted to her. So i’m going to give you some of the topics & questions that you should always ask or talk about, and i’ll explain why:
1) Ask her what’s the most embarassing thing that’s ever happened to her on a date?
You’re probably scratching your head & thinking “why would I wanna talk about this?”
Simply put, this involves her telling a very funny and interesting story that both you and her can laugh about, when she tells you her most embarassing story, use one of those S’s I spoke of earlier, sarcasm.
Poke holes in her story, make fun of it, tell her that it’s not embaressing at all and don’t let up on the sarcasm, chances are she’s just as nervous as you, and the story she tells probably wont be very embarassing at all, and even if it is, turn up the sarcasm even more, it makes the conversation that much more fun if she has to explain why it was embarassing and so on.
Now eventually she’ll reciprocate and ask you the same question, so when you speak, be sure to have an interesting story. Nothing really corny or stupid either, if you say something dumb, she’ll think you have a horrible sense of humor or that your crass and uninteresting, so make sure it’s nothing stupid like “well, my last date, I went to a club with a girl and she went home with another guy…” if someone told me that story, i’d automatically think, what a loser. Your story should make her think you’re a lot of fun to be around.
If you really can’t produce an embaressing story through your own experiences, make one up, and if you lack creativity, don’t fall on your sword by winging it and saying something dumb, just say something along the lines of “your story kinda sucked so you don’t get to hear mine just yet…”
2) What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
I love this one because my own stories are freakin awesome and I can keep a conversation going for hours just on this one alone, but obviously the key here is to ask her and make her talk about her crazy little stories, the point being, after a girl tells you the craziest thing she’s ever done, whatever you say or do on your date from that point on will pale in comparison.
Believe me, i’ve had girls tell me some really crazy stories, as well as some really lame and pathetic ones. No matter what comes out of their mouth though, just sit back in your chair and don’t show too much emotion, especially don’t show any shock.
Why? because whatever story you hear from her, be sure to one up it with your own story, again, if it comes down to it, just make something up.
Here’s one of my more tame ones to give you an example:
I was at this lounge with a few friends back when I younger, and one of them dared me to go try and hit on some guys girl just to see what would happen, so while I scanned the dance floor for any obvious couples I thought to myself, you know what? i’m gonna take this one step further, so
I went up to this guy, tapped his shoulder, pointed at his girl and said “Is she with you? how about a dance with me?”, to which he responded “my girl aint gonna dance with you so step the F**** off A**hole…”
I gave him a confused look, grabbed his ass and said “I didn’t wanna dance with her, I wanted a private dance with you Romeo…” he took a couple of swings at me, bouncers stopped it quickly and ultimately police came and got involved, when I was questioned and asked whether I wanted to press charges for the assault, I kept my composure despite having a large crowd hovering around, not to mention all my friends, and I said to the officer “No officer, I don’t want to press charges, the only thing I wanted was to dance with the guy…” and after some more explaining that it was just a misunderstanding, we all got to finally
By my point is, after you get the craziness out there, what happens from that point on is usually pretty normal, and even if you two don’t go out and do something real crazy & stupid, it leaves a lot more followup questions and stories to keep the conversation going well into the night.
3) Guys or Girls?
Gender based stereotypes are another topic I absolutely love to bring up on a date, be funny and sarcastic, poke fun at girls and their stereotypes, believe me, she’ll do the same. Just remember to avoid coming across as being a sexist pig.
Asking silly questions like:
“How many shoes do you own?” or “Why do girls need so many bags?”
Follow up her answers with more sarcastic humor and poke fun at her for either having way too many shoes or if she doesn’t have that many, you can say things like “you only have 4 pairs of shoes? when did you have the sex change operation?”
What I love about this topic is how it shows you’re not afraid to poke fun at the opposite sex, it shows that you’re more than comfortable around her and that you have a sense of humor.
You should also not be afraid to poke fun at your own gender because this shows you have confidence in who you are, be proud of what you are, and a little hint here, you can switch things up also and get other people involved, let’s say you’re at a coffee place and you see another cute girl at the table sitting next to you, wouldn’t it be fun to get double teamed by two girls?
Just take whatever gender based topic you’re currently talking about and use that, it’s easy!
Lets use the shoes question, she answers 10 shoes, you then ask “do you think most girls have that many shoes?”, let her answer and then lean over to the other girl and just say “hey, i’m sorry to bother you but i’m wondering if you can answer something for me?” follow that up with “she just said that most girls have atleast so and so pairs of shoes, is that true?”. Now once you got them drawn into the conversation, you can direct it anywhere you want.
By doing this, it does one big thing, it gets the attention of the girl you’re on a date with, and she’ll fight just a bit harder to keep your attention. Secondly, it’ll give her the satisfaction of knowing she’s the one on the date with you, those two things often make a girl instantly more attracted to you.
4) What are the three best skills/traits/qualities you have?
These sound like boring interview type questions don’t they? You’re probably wondering why are any of these topics worth bringing up, because it’s just one of those things that you can really rag on a girl with, it also allows you to bring up your own special talents to make her even more attracted to you, or on the flip side of that, you can play around with her and keep the humor loose and flowing as well.
A lot of times i’ll mix it up depending on the girl, if the conversation is already really relaxed and flowing, i’ll tell them real world kinda skills like how well I can cook (I’m a chef IRL btw) and go from there, or…. if the girl is still having a tough time opening herself up and getting comfortable, i’ll say skills like how I can get a girl to smile whenever I want, which usually brings up a smile from them soon as I finish the sentence.
The whole reason of this though is twofold, first is to get to really know her inner talents, personality traits,and what she believes are her best qualities, and the really fun part is mocking them playfully and making her laugh, that lightens the mood like no other, but just remember, no outright insults here.
Second thing this does is it showcases your own securities and confidence with your skills and qualities, if you do it just right, it’ll get her even more attracted to you…
I just gave you a bunch of perfect first date topics you can bring up that should keep the conversation free flowing and loose for many hours, it’ll also help pass the time and keep it fun and interesting for both of you.
Just a side tip though, for all of your conversations, try your best to keep the focus on her most of the time, the less you divulge about yourself and the more she talks about herself, the more mysterious you become. Which will boost your chances for a second and third date.
Try not to spend more than 2 or 3 hours on your first date with her, always leave her wanting more because I promise you, when she gets home, the first thing she’ll probably do is find someone to talk to about how much you guys connected and how comfortable she felt around you, etc…
Now as a quick side note, here are some things you should NEVER EVER bring up on a first date because it usually spells BORING, I won’t go into too much detail so just trust me and avoid asking or talking about these topics:
Do you have/want any kids?
Work/Jobs, I know that’s usually the first thing people ask, but it really is boring and mundane to have long conversations about work, I never ask a girl what they do, and if they do feel inclined to tell me on their own, I move the topic somewhere else quickly by saying something like “talking about work is kinda boring, lets talk about something fun.” and if she does ask you what you do, simply answer her with a witty comment.
Since i’m a chef, when a date asks me what I do, I dont tell them straight away what I do, I usually ask them to guess and i’ll give them three hints, hints would be “I heat things up…” , “there’s alot of commotion, everyone is usally running around at my job” and “I have to wear an apron” Nobody ever guesses my job correctly, and again I rag on all the stupid answers they give me just to keep the topic fun.
Can you believe the weather?
What kinda car do you have?
Are you religious? Do you believe in god?
Nothing racial, don’t even ask what she is.
Basically guys, avoid anything that could classify as “small talk”, predjudicial or racial, conversations you might have with a co-worker, etc etc etc…
The best dates are fun and exciting, which means the conversations have to be as well, talking about lame BS doesn’t accomplish this. (I’m directing that last sentence at all the horrible dating advice and tips i’ve seen and read)
Be sure to check out my other articles about dating life…